My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
