a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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