I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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