I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
