Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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