Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
