Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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