just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
