I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If that was your dad, he is hot
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
