if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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