dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
