i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
