sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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