you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
