Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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