a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
