I want to make a zoo with you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
