i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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