I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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