Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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