Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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