So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
