he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
