you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
