i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
