She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
