When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
