The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it because I queefed?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
