When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
