what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My pussy is not your playground.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
