i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
