farters have to be the big spoon...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
