i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
