She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
