I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
