He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
