Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
