dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
