Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
