would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
