I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
