Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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