if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
