I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
