i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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