What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
