Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
