Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
