this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
