My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
