i permit you to call me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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