I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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